I've been thinking... well I guess I'm really fine staying the same because having someone accepting a fake "happy" me doesn't make any sense. Alright, it's not ONLY about happiness.

Generally this world is selfish and we're all weak enough to follow what others want. I really hate societal norms and all the bull crap. There's everything that isn't right about this world, even around people we know. You just HAVE to make things sound better, you have to act to get things your way.. I can't take this shit. I remember how I didn't act deliberately sorry when we got into trouble and was my normal self, and the teachers thought I was the one who didn't reflect and that I wasn't sorry. (I was) Who knows, they might think I was the one faking all the stuff. This world can't tell what's fake from real, and all the real stuff will be known as fake just because we don't have the skills to put it in a "nice package".

Frown at me all you want but I'm gonna stick to my own values and not yours. This world is screwed up enough and with all the supposed definitions of "right" and "wrong" (which don't make sense), I don't know how long people can take it. So we all die with masks all over our faces, happy that people will cry for us over our tombstone, happy that we've led a "good" life because we were able to please everybody around us. Well die happy twisting things around to make them sound good, making people FEEL good (oh yes, and say it's for their sake, not yours) because people just can't take the truth.

So I'll make this clear that I'm utterly complicated, I think too much, I'm sad most of the time and I'm emo if you like that term more. And I'm surviving fine on my own aren't I? (Although I secretly hate being alone) & no, if I look happy in school it doesn't mean it's a facade or what and my friends around me should know. As much as that irritates me and everybody I'm not going to try to stop my emotions from showing. Not going to let myself be irritated by that anymore.

Last night, I couldn't stop my mind from imagining a needle poking through my eyeballs, out of it and into my nose and all over my face. For the first time, I told myself to stop that thought but my mind wouldn't let me. (I got freaked out by someone shooting another guy in the eyes in "Godfather" so I'm quite afraid of anything hurting the eyes) Grossed myself out.

The dream was incredible and some scenes still fresh in my mind. It's my first time having my adventurous dream in years, and there was some kind of riddle to be solved in it. It wasn't a particularly nice one because my subconscious linked the unhappy stuff to it but it was still awesome because it was so full of energy.